I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
