I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
