We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
