just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
