dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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