Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
