I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
