is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
