Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
