You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
