in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
