No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
