Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
