thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
COCAINE IS GR8
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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