Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
