sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
