If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
