TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
