You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
