tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
