living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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