he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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