so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
