I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hippo gnu deer
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
