My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
