My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
