I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
