That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
