I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
