Where did you get a picture of my penis
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
