I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
