3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
