Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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