bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i think my cat just said my name.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
