I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
