Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
