Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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