Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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