we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
