Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
