wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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