i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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