so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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