meet me or not, i'm out of control
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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