Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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