Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
