Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
