it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
