I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Say something about gay babies.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
