After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
