DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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