I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
