just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
