Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you had me at cake vodka
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
