I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
