I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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