I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
