There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
