I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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