i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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