my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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