she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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