great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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