So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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