were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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