All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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