It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
