I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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