Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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