it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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