I wish I could punch you in the face.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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